A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3 AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"
Santa was enjoying sun on a beach in America. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing ?" Santa, "No I am Santa" Another Guy Came and asked the same question. Santa answered, "No, No Im Santa" Third one came and asked the same question, Santa was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw a man (our Banta) enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him, "Are you Relaxing?" Banta, being educated answered, "Yes I am relaxing" Santa slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Mr Drone." "Drone ! But he is your enemy!" "Yes, I know that! Ive suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Ouch," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful! I had tennis elbow once."
A soldier rushes to him and says, "One enemy ship is approaching us!"
Captain replies calmly, "Go get my red shirt"
The soldier gets the shirt for the captain. The enemy ship comes in, heavy rounds of fire are exchanged. Finally, the Spaniards win.
Soldier asks, "Congrats sir, but why the red shirt?"
Captain replies, "If I got injured, then my blood shouldn't be seen, as I didn't want my men to loose hope." (Moral: For success, hope is very important)
Just then, another soldier, "Sir, we just spotted another TWENTY enemy ships!"
The captain calmly replies, "Go bring my yellow pants."