My friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her elderly mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access Google, and we told her it could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom."
"Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"
At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon." The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as 'our' not 'your.' Several days later, the same nun
Doctor tells a rich old man that he's going to die if he doesn't get a new heart soon. The old man tells the doctor to search the world for the best heart available, money is no problem. A few days later the doctor calls the old man and says he has found three hearts but they are all expensive. The old man reminds the doctor that he is filthy rich and implores him to tell him about the donors they came from. Well" the first one belonged to 22 year old marathon runner
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."
The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.
However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
Doctor: "It's no good. I can't find anything wrong with you. It must just be the effects of drinking." Patient: "I'll come back when you're sober then!"
Santa applied for the job of night security guard at the factory.
The boss looked him over carefully.
"The sort of person we need for this job," said the boss finally, "is tough fearless, aggressive, suspicious, distrustful, always on the lookout for trouble and constantly ready to flare into violence. Quite frankly, you don't seem to fit the bill.
"Oh. that is all right," explained Santa. "I HAVE ONLY COME TO APPLY FOR THE JOB ON BEHALF OF MY WIFE."