A Guy goes into a proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat. In the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. When the man sat down and began observing the tools he noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table.
A tube of K-Y jelly; A rubber glove; and A beer.
When the doctor finally came in the man said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?"
At that the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, Helen! I said a BUTT LIGHT."
A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: "Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?" The big woman replies: "Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I'm a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6 2", weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6 5", weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?" The guy thinks about it a second and says: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
Men: 1. All men are extremely busy. 2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women. 3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them. 4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around. 5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others. 6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them. 7. Although the woman
One day, Santa, Banta and their friend walked into a bar together. They proceeded to buy a drink. Just as they where about to enjoy their drink, three flies landed in each of their drinks. Their friend pushed his beer away from him in disgust. Banta fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. Santa picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the drink and then started yelling. "Spit it out, Spit it out, You Bastard, Spit it out!"
The doctor finished his examination and asked the patient to step into his office.
"Sit down, Mr. Kay sen. After looking at these test results, I recommend that you have an operation immediately." The man thought for a moment, "How will this affect my hobby, Doctor?" "What's your hobby?" "Saving money!"
A pedestrian stepped off the curb to cross the street and a car suddenly came screaming around the corner and headed straight for him. He started to run, trying to get out of the way but the car changed lanes and was still coming at him.
He turned around to go back to the curb but the car changed lanes again and was heading right for him. As the car approached, the man became so frightened that he froze and stopped in the middle of the road.
At the last possible moment, the car swerved and screeched to a halt right beside him.
The window rolled down and he was amazed to see that the driver was a large squirrel.
The squirrel looked him up and down and said, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"