Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word Definitely in a sentence?" First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..." Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown." Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?" The teacher looks horrified and says... "Johnny! Of course not!!!" OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."
Once A man asked God: Why all the girls are so cute & sweet, and all wifes are always angry? God Answered: Girls are made by me... and you make them Wife...!!! Your Problem.. !!!
Hubby came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working. Wife: Peeke aye ho kya? Hubby: Nahi meri maa... Wife: Phir suitcase khol ke kya type kar rahe ho???
There are two types of suicide (Fast & Slow): Fast: Gale me rassi dalo and latak jao. Slow: Gale me warmala dalo aur zindagi bhar latke raho.
Wife: Agar meri shaadi kisi 'Raakshas' se bhi ho jaati to mai itni Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hun. Awesome reply: Husband: Arrey pagli, Blood Relation me shaadiyan kahan hoti hai... !!!
Here is a list of various scientific methods of approaching the problem.
1)THE NEWTONIAN METHOD: Let the lion catch you (let s assume you remain alive here). For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You will have captured the lion.
2) THE EINSTEIN METHOD: Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. The relative velocity makes the lion run faster and hence he feels heavier
My dear new family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new house...
Firstly I must tell you that my presence here should not change your life routines...
Those who used to do the laundry must keep on doing it... Those cooking must keep cooking... Those cleaning must keep cleaning... I'll not disturb anybody's routine...
So far as I'm concerned, I'm here only to: Eat BUN, Have FUN and Entertain yiur SON!!!
When a man died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."