A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed."
Santa and Banta go for hunting. Santa has never gone hunting while Banta has hunted all his life. When they get to the woods, Banta tells Santa to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Banta checks out a deer stand. After Banta gets about a quarter of a mile away, he hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Santa and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!" Santa says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks (squirrels) crawled up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
This woman dies, and when she gets to heaven she asks Saint Peter, "Would it be possible for me to get together with my dear departed husband? He died many years ago." Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?" "Allan Smith," replies the woman. "Gee," says Saint Peter, "we've got a lot of Allan Smiths up here. But sometimes we can identify people by their last words. Do you happen to remember what his last words were?" The woman thinks for a moment, then says, "Oh yes! I remember them! He said that if I ever slept with another man after he was gone, he would roll over in his grave." "Oh!" says Saint Peter. "You mean Spinning Allan Smith!"
10. I will not buy magazines with AOL disks bound in just to get another 1.44MB disk. 9. I will stop sending email to my roommate. 8. I resolve to work with neglected children...my own. 7. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm I answer my email. 6. When I subscribe to a newsgroup or mailing list, I will read all the mail I get from it. 5. I will stay on the computer as long as I want. What? OK, dear...I'm coming. Never mind.
A Manager of the branch bank found he had no space left to store old records. He wrote to his regional manager Banta to for permission to destroy old records. Banta Singh replied back: "I do not mind you destroying old records but please make sure you keep photo-copies of all the destroyed papers".