Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW MUSIC SYSTEM... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Grandma is!"
A man was wandering around a fairground, and he happened to see a fortune teller''s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah...." said the woman, as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"Ha, you fortune tellers are all a sham!" said the man, scornfully. "Im the father of THREE children!"
The woman grinned and said, "That''s what YOU think..."
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her cell phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman asked the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon
A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sets it on a table, along with a note "I spit in this beer" hoping that none will steal it then. Upon return, he sees another note saying "Me too!"
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man."
Sometime after a man died, his widow, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and wonderful man her late husband had been. "He thought of everything," she told them. "Just before he died, he called me to his bedside. He handed me three envelopes. 'Honey,' he told me, 'I have put all my last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed. Then, I can rest in peace.'" "What was in the envelopes?" her friends