A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Give me a break! You don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here."
Santa and Banta are sitting in a bar getting pretty loaded. Suddenly, Banta throws up all over himself. "Aw man, my wife is going to kill me when she sees this," he says. Santa replies, "Don't worry about it. That happened to me before. Here's what you do. Put a 100 rupee note in your pants pocket. When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk threw up on you and he gave you Rs 100 to pay for the cleaning, OK?" "All right, I'll try it." So Banta goes home
Two little boys stole a bag of mangoes from their neighbor and decided to go to a calm place to share the loot.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping the big gate to enter the cemetery, 2 mangoes fell out of the bag behind the gate but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.
Few minuets latter a drunkard on his way from a local bar passes near the cemetery gate and heard a voice: "One for me, one for you
The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned the boys were hurting the dog, the reverend went over and asked, "What are you doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
The reverend was taken aback, "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed