A mechanical engineer died & went to heaven. Upon arrival Saint Peter checked "THE BOOK" and didn't find his name, so he informed the engineer that he must get on the elevator and go DOWNSTAIRS. Reluctantly the engineer boarded the elevator for the long trip DOWNSTAIRS and upon arrival in hell found that he was very uncomfortable due to the excessive heat. He asked to see the devil and was granted an interview, at which time he requested a large of materials with which to
Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital. Banta, "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank God that it was your left hand, since you are right handed." Santa, "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!
A new Army recruit was on the rifle range. He fired 50 shots and completely missed the target with every shot!
His Drill Instructor called him to attention and got in his face.
"What's the matter with you?" shouted the DI. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a Cable TV repair man," replied the recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again and then checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger and blew the end of his finger off!
"Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving this end here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"