Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what they do with the money they receive in the collection plate. One priest says, "Well, I draw a line on the floor, throw all the money in the air and whatever lands north of the line, I give to God, the rest I keep." The other priest says, "I do pretty much the same thing... I draw a circle, throw all the money in the air and whatever lands inside the circle, I give to God, and whatever lands outside, I keep." The rabbi says, "Well, I do the same sort of thing too. I throw all the money up in the air and whatever God grabs, he gets!"
Banta's wife Preeto went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor. "Naturally," Preeto replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?" "Naturally," Preeto answered, "I take a newspaper."
Banta was visiting Delhi for the first time. He wanted to see the Palika Bazaar. Unfortunately, he couldn't find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Palika Bazaar?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." Banta thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, Banta is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Palika Bazaar, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" Banta replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog I bet on. " The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him again. "What was that for?" he complained. "Your dog called last night."