At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a billionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff... church, church, church."
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35! St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you ve billed to your clients, and you're at least 108.
When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.
One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.
"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"
When he reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?" Clinton said, "It's me, Bill Clinton." Peter asked, "Have you done anything wrong that I should know about?" Clinton said, "I smoked pot once, but you can't hold it against me because I did not inhale. I was unfaithful to my wife, but you cannot hold it against me because I didn't have sex. I lied, but you can't hold it against me because I didn't commit perjury."
Peter said "Well we are going to send you to a place, but we're not going to call it Hell. You are going to stay there for a while, but we are not going to call it eternity."