Two guys were talking at work. "I've got a problem," said the first one.
"What is it?"
"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in- law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And, I am fresh out of ideas. I mean, it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"
"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.
"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
A priest, a doctor and a lawyer were playing golf together one morning, but were stuck behind a particularly slow group. All three were complaining about how long the group were taking on each hole. Finally they spotted the green keeper, so they decided to have a word with him.
"That's a group of blind firefighters," explained the green keeper. "They lost their sight while saving our clubhouse last year. So we let them play here any time free of charge."
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "That's a good idea. And I'm going to consult all my textbooks to see if there isn't anything that can be done for them."
The lawyer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
Santa is a evening bird lover. One day he stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred. All summer, Santa and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife, Jeeto, had a chat with Preeto (Mrs Banta), her next door neighbour, "My husband spends his nights calling to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbour replied. "So does my husband."