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Santa went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I get this weird feeling that there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, to check it out, but then I think there's somebody on top of it. I go back and forth, all night long, on top, under, on top, under... You gotta help me, Doc, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
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A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop.

He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight."

Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."
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An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, so he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, ... how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead."

"You liste to me. Some day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambini. Am I right?"

"Yes grandpa, I guess so."

"Ok, so soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, TIMES UP!"
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Ek Sharabi full tight hokar ghar jaa raha tha. Raaste me mandir ke baahar pujari dikha. Sharabi ne pujari se poocha, "Sabse bada kaun?"

Pujaari ne peecha chudane ke liye kaha, "Mandir Bada."

Sharabi bola, "Mandir bada toh dharti pe kaise khada?"
Pujari: "Dharti badi."

Sharabi, "Dharti badi toh Sheshnaag pe kyun khadi?"

Pujari: "Sheshnaag bada."

Sharabi: "Sheshnaag bada toh Shiv ke gale me kyon pada?"
Pujari: "Shiv
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A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars that were all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got caught and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation and was about to walk awy when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah...," the driver replied.
The officer grinned and said, "Ever catch all the fish?"
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Pappu: Papa Aunty ka pet itna kyun foola hua hai ?

Santa: I know ki, tu sab Jan ta hai, badmaash.

Pappu: Nahin papa, I don't know.

Santa: Chal, Chal, jhooth mat bol.

Pappu: Trust me dad, pease batao na, please, please, please...

Pappu: Wo, yaar... aunty ke pet mein paani bhara hua hai.

Pappu: Oh!... Achcha!!! Phir toh bachcha doob jayega...
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