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Santa and his wife, Jeeto, were living in a farm up in the hills. One day, Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full. He tells Jeeto that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.

Jeeto says, "Why don't you go ask Banta down the road?"

So, Santa goes down to Banta's house and asks him, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."

Banta tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse
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A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the the operating table. she had a near-death experience.

Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live".

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and complete make-up.

Since
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Santa is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Santa a pop quiz, asking: 'What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?'
Santa says: 'I would switch one train to another track.'
'What if the lever broke?' asks the inspector.
'Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there', answers
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A man walks into his doctor's office and sits down in the waiting room. While he is waiting his turn to be seen, a casual acquaintance walks in and sits down next to him.

The newcomer asks, "W w what are yyy you ddd doing here?"

The man replies, "I am waiting to see the doctor."

"W wwhy dd do yyy you wwant to sss see hhim?"

The man replies, "Well, if you must know, I have a prostate problem.

"A pp prostate ppp problem, wwhat's ttthat?"

"Well, if you must know. I pee like you talk."
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A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed.

"I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
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A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."
After much thought and consideration, he finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillowcases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed.
His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to Heaven.
Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning came upon the two forgotten pillowcases stuffed with cash.
"Oh, that old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."
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