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The grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names.

First up was Dan. A very adventurous child.

My name is Dan,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to India and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can.

Very good she said to Dan. She then told Sally that it now was her turn.

My name is Sally,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby,
If I can, if I can,
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A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
Then a third child brought the argument to a close...
"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

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Morris was a very successful marketing director. Sadly, his wife Shirley dies. At the cemetery, Morris's friends and family are appalled to see that the headstone reads:

"Here lies Shirley, wife of Morris, MCIM, Post Graduate Diploma in Marketing and Marketing Director of Quality Marketing Services Ltd."

Morris was standing in front of Shirley's grave reading the headstone when he suddenly burst into tears.

His brother says to him, "I'm not at all surprised that you find this distasteful. It's right that you should cry, pulling a cheap stunt like this on Shirley's headstone."

Through his tears, Morris sobs, "You don't understand. They left out the phone number."
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Young people have often resorted to shortcuts when texting. Now seniors have their own texting codes:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friends Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMSG - Oh My! Sorry, Gas

TOT - Texting on Toilet

WAITT - Who Am I Talking To?

Hope these help. GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking in!)
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New drugs for men created by women scientists are waiting for FDA approval...

ANIVERSIA: Triggers memories for birthdays and anniversaries...

SLIMOXIL: Widens male cornea making wives appear slim...

SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts with optic nerve to prevent men from recognizing the word "Sports" on TV...

WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an insatiable desire in men to do household chores...

SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes men eager to take wives for shopping every week and wait patiently...

FLIRTONATE-N: It reduces vision whenever a pretty woman passes by.
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The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting.

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones
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Doctor Patient Article Count: 289

Husband-Wife Article Count: 789

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Lawyers Article Count: 147

Blondes Article Count: 126

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Animal Kingdom Article Count: 70

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