One day Santa was talking with a salesman about his goats. As they were talking the salesman noticed that one of the goats had a wooden leg. "What's the deal with the goat with the wooden leg?" asked the salesman. "Oh! That's the best goat I've got, best goat I've ever had, could just be the best goat in the whole world!" said the farmer. "Six months ago, in the middle of the night our house caught fire. That goat crawled under the fence, ran to the house, beat on our bedroom
Banta is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey.
Santa happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Banta," says the shocked Santa, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, Banta replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says Santa man, "I'm your best friend!"
Banta turns to Santa, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Andy," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes and went straight to sleep after watching
Doctor Simon is known throughout London as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.
One day, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her. Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simons office.
15 minutes later, to everyones surprise, she comes briskly out of
Nancy announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
"Great," Rita exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first."